Years ago, my friend Chris used to play guitar and sing around the area. He was fun and zany and talented. I remember sitting outside The Big House while he played "Happy Hour." It was an oxymoron. Chris was a moody rocker trying to make a living playing gigs, driving an old minivan and carrying his CDs in a rusted Budweiser Cooler he found on the porch of the last apartment he moved into. We decided he played "Anti-Happy Hour." Being happy was over-rated and lame. We were young and angst was our right.
A year or two ago I became obsessed with self-help type reading material. I got subscriptions to Woman's Day and Real Simple and Everyday with Rachael Ray. I started a notebook where I would make idyllic notes and lists and things I thought would change my life. Ways to save money, lose weight, get over my social anxiety. The list was endless. It was in one of these publications that I first heard of The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin (bonus is that she wrote a book about JFK). I read the blurb and thought him... I had already attempted to read Sanity Savers by Dr. Dale Atkins but that got sidetracked by the whole career derailment. I had also started YOU on a Diet! by Dr. Oz and friends. Like I needed one more book by a self absorbed narcissist. (I never did finish Julie & Julia b/c quite frankly Julie annoyed the hell out of me.)
But whilst killing time waiting for my job change to become official, I popped into Borders. I picked up The Happiness Project and perused it for a minute or two before deciding to promptly by it and a day by day agenda. I wanted to be happy dammit! I wanted to know how to go forward without crawling up in a hole and wanting to die. Could I really afford another book with the shelves and shelves I already owned that went un-read while I continuously re-read my tattered copies of Harry Potter 1 - 7 & the Twilight Saga. I could happily lose myself in those worlds and be happy there. As much as I love those books I get mad at myself for how readily I will re-read them instead of picking up something new. And like I said I have shelves and shelves of NEW. In some ways it's the same feeling I get whenever my best friend & I explore the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NYC. My favorites are the impressionists. Whenever I go there it's like greeting old friends. These stories & characters are old friends whom I love to get lost with.
I've digressed. The Happiness Project. It's what I need in this time of personal turmoil. It's practical, insightful and easy to read. I am currently reading April and looking forward to the other 8 months of the year. I want to read the book before I check out her blog or anything. I want to absorb it. I have Post-It Flags and markers to highlight things I find important or connections I make.
It ties in to my SUNSHINE, HAPPINESS, & BUNNIES mantra.
I've been telling everyone - my mother, co-workers, friends, myself that I will begin the job hunting process on February 1st. That's tomorrow. 40 minutes away to be exact.
I am looking forward to the challenge. I embrace the change. Whatever happens next, I will be better for it. One of Gretchen Rubin's philosophies is to "act how you want to feel." Typically, not a "rainbows & kittens" person, I want to act happy. This week, a teacher from my town, the mother of two, part of a decent family, beloved by her students jumped off a bridge. I don't want to go down that path. I have been on it before and I made it through but not without some bumps & scrapes. I want to be thankful for what I do have and not mourn what I lost. I want to believe that God won't ever give me anything I can't handle and that the "light at the end of the tunnel" is something worth waiting for.
